Money & family – Episode 21

Before we start today, I just wanted to let you know about an exciting project that I’m launching in January to help you kickstart your finances and get into the right frame of mind for 2021.

I have teamed up with Nicola at The Frugal Cottage to bring you The Feel Good Finance Club. This programme, running through around January is a 31-day accountability and support programme that we will be running through Facebook. It will have daily prompts community support, and every Friday at 8pm we will be doing a new workshop about the topic of the week.

Now, you can get your hands on all of this for just £7. I will drop the link in the show notes to make it really easy for you to find it. But for just £, you can get your finances off to a great start in 2021. We look forward to seeing you in The Feel Good finance club.

Hello, and welcome to Confidence Counts. The podcast that builds your money confidence and sets you free from money anxiety. I’m your host; money confidence coach and personal finance blogger Charlotte Jessop.

With every episode, you can expect ideas on how to feel in control of your finances. Understand how your money works, and develop strategies to live life without money worries. We will talk all things budgeting, frugal living, money mindset, investing, goal setting and more. as we journey together to build our money confidence. Don’t forget to hit subscribe, so you can stay up to date with the latest episodes. I’m glad you could join me enjoy the show.

Welcome to Confidence Counts, Episode Number 21. Now we are rapidly closing in on the big day: Christmas 2020, which is a Christmas like no other. I think this is gonna be a bit of a weird one. And as I’m recording this, I have no idea whether we are going to be allowed to see family, I think it’s very much up in the air. The day that I’m recording this, the government are still trying to decide whether or not we get to team up with three other households. So this could make for a very interesting year.

Before we get started, I just want to remind you that if you want to make sure that you get every episode (and the next episode of this podcast will be going out on Christmas Day and I know you’re going to be preoccupie), I would love it if you could hit that subscribe button to make sure that you do not miss an episode.

I have got some really interesting topics coming up over the next couple of weeks over this festive season and some great content planned for you in 2021. I do not want you to miss out when it comes to money. Your confidence is really important and that is what this podcast is all about. So make sure you hit that subscribe button and you know what? If you’ve got some friends or family that you want to share this with, then please go ahead and spread the word and even hit the review button. You can leave a rating or leave me a review and let me know what you think about this podcast.

Today’s topic is money and family. This is a topic that I have personal experience with and I think we all have personal experience with. And, actually, it can be quite a tough topic.

It’s probably one that’s likely to raise its head, amongst other topics that come up, whenever we get some family around us. It can be something that is quite challenging to deal with around certain family members. And we can find that actually it triggers some emotions or stress responses in us at this time of year.

There’s no doubt that Christmas has a lot to do with money. You’ve probably spent the last few weeks buying presents preparing food, sending cards and all of that costs, it all has an expense. So it’s hard to isolate the idea of Christmas, and this festive season, from the issues surrounding money in our lives.

There are lots of ways that money, Christmas and family are all tied together. And family are normally our first teachers. They’re the first people in our lives, that teach us about money, whether they mean to or not.

We will learn from our parents or guardians, aunts, uncles, grandparents, older siblings, younger siblings, and each of these form our habits around money in those early years.

You might have grown up with a parent who likes to spend loads of money and likes to put things on credit cards, and spend more than they could actually afford. And that will have had an impression on you, whether that’s made you want to go out and do the same thing on or whether it made you not want that at all. It will have taught you something. And because our families all have their own opinions about money, it can be very hard to navigate conversations when your own views have deviated from this.

Perhaps you feel that credit cards are the best thing ever. And your parents might think the exact opposite. Maybe they had a hugely negative experience, and they are constantly warning you against the use of credit cards, whereas you are pro using them safely and reaping the rewards.

Having some of these conversations can hit on a personal level, and can be very hard when you are “forced” or when we choose to spend time with our family at this time of year.

Now another reason that Christmas has a lot to do with money and family is that they can also be this element of competition. We are probably all aware of this on some level. But there is normally some sort of competitive edge or at least a set of rules that we are expected to abide by, at this time of year.

A lot of this is around gift giving, we maybe try and overcompensate or to give people the impression of our greater wealth, by overspending on gifts or creating a lavish feast for Christmas dinner. And actually, this may not feel comfortable, this may push you out of your budget.

Alternatively, maybe you’re the one in the family that does have money and you are able to spend on gifts. But actually, this can create some sort of resentment and jealousy between other family members who are unable to do this. Even with the best intentions, you can find yourself in a stressful and tense environment where money can be at the heart of that.

How do we actually manage this? In true Confidence Count style, I have three tips for you to help you get through this festive period and navigate money situations confidently.

The first one, disengage. That’s my first tip. If you feel like a conversation is stressing you out, or is negatively impacting on your mental health, then you have a choice to disengage. You do not need to find yourself in any sort of situation that actually makes you feel bad or uneasy. So you are allowed to disengage from these conversations.

If people are prying about how much you’ve spent, or what your job situation is like (and this is likely to feel particularly raw and tough this year in 2020, the weirdest of years) you have a right to disengage. You can just say, “I’m sorry, but I do not feel comfortable having this conversation. Can we talk about something else?” Or you can choose at that point to go and speak with other family members or play with kids or something else? Okay, you have a right to do that.

Don’t feel like you have to stay in a conversation that you don’t feel comfortable about. And that doesn’t just work for money, you can do that with any topic. If you do not want to be in it, maybe you don’t feel comfortable at that time. Maybe you’re normally fine talking about these things. But if this does not feel at the right time for you, you are allowed to disengage, you do not have to feel uncomfortable.

Okay, so that’s the first tip, you do not have to stick around and have people probe you or ask questions.

The next one is to encourage positive money conversations. I believe that talking about money is important. So although you have the right to disengage from them, there is no harm in actually nurturing positive money conversations.

There are some areas of money that just aren’t talked about. And we need to talk about these more. Maybe you were raised in a family that didn’t have any conversations around money. Maybe you feel like the only way that you learnt about money was through watching and observing others in your family and not from actually the conversations that you had.

There is a whole load of financial psychology that is behind money. It’s not just the coins and the bits of paper or plastic that make up money. There’s a whole behavioural science and underlying mental and emotional responses behind money. So we actually need to have some conversations around these that are well structured, well designed and with a positive outlook in mind.

This could be around money management, perhaps there are members of your family that aren’t managing their money well. and But remember, this is your opinion, they might think they’re doing great. But there’s no reason why you can’t foster some positive conversations around this. You could tell them about your new budgeting system and how it’s changed things. You could talk about your favourite wink financial influences that you’re following, and just talk about ways to manage money appropriately.

It could be that there are people in your family that are really struggling, but they don’t know. But by having these conversations out in the open, you could be doing them a favour. And also it diverts from some of the more negative conversations. Maybe your budgeting system is what has helped you get through 2020, despite reductions in income, inconsistent work schedules, and all these sorts of things that have impacted on your finances. But by talking about the ways that you’ve managed that you actually divert the attention away from questions such as “Oh, are you making enough money?” or “you don’t make as much money as me.” We can structure these conversations in a way that suits us, rather than other people’s prying questions.

There are other things that are important to discuss with your families, such as building generational wealth. How you going to create wealth that passes from generation to generation. You can’t do this on your own. You can’t be the only person that is trying to build wealth for your children and their children. So why not involve other family members and get them on board as well.

These are all important conversations to have around money. The more people you can get on board, and the more people that you can get to listen to good financial information online or read great money books, the better. And it all comes from having positive conversations and making these the norm in your households.

The third one is to be confident. And I don’t say this enough on a podcast called Confidence Counts, but you need to be confident about your choices and your situation.

You might feel that you’re at the start of your journey, maybe you have made 2020, the year that you’re going to start paying off your debt. You might you might be in the early stages, where you have just collected up these totals, and it feels kind of scary.

That is normal, but be confident in the decision that you are making, and actually stick by it. Plus, share that with other people. Like I say, if you don’t feel ready to talk about that, then you can disengage. Or maybe you could start a positive conversation about it. But whatever your situation is, be confident in the fact that you are doing something good.

You are listening to podcasts, about money and about finances. So you are walking in the right direction. You are on the journey to better financial wellbeing, so be confident in that decision. Be confident that you are doing the right things and don’t feel like you have to change your mind about things.

You might tell somebody about your journey to be debt free and they can be dismissive or condescending of that decision. But remember, that is your decision. And you have made that decision in a place where you are informed and you are knowledgeable. So if you feel confident about what you are doing, then other people will pick up on that. So you stand your ground, stand in your power, stand by your choices, and know that you are on the path to something better when it comes to your money.

So, that’s it. Family and money and money and family. It can be tough and it could be even trickier at this time of year. I feel like I say that in every podcast episode at the moment. I’m hopeful that 2021 could be marginally better, but we will we will have to see. The jury’s still out on that one.

So just do what’s right for you. If you don’t want to talk about money, that’s great. If you do want to talk about money in a positive way, that’s great. But be confident whatever you do.

Thank you for listening to the 21st episode of Confidence Counts. It has been great to have you here and join me. Don’t forget, hit that subscribe button, so you can catch that next episode on Christmas Day. It’s gonna be a good one. I looking forward to having you there and thank you for listening.

Thank you for joining me for this week’s episode of Confidence Counts. I’ll be back next week for another episode with more tips and ideas to help you build your money confidence. Don’t forget to hit subscribe and share with your friends.